Ambrosial apple tart

Now listen closely.

The secret to the perfect apple pie, like the secret to the female orgasm or the recipe for turning iron into gold is an elusive and much sought after piece of knowledge.
And in my opinion all three have been kept secret for far too long.
Now while I don't yet know how to turn iron into gold and men everywhere are beginning to discover the clitoris (gasp) luckily for you.. I can help you out with the secret to the perfect apple pie.
In a related note this pie will help take you closer to that fated orgasm...


A crisp sweet pastry.
A tart filling with notes of honey, cinnamon and just the right amount of texture. Do we want apple mush inside our tart? We do not.
The perfect buttery crumble. It's oozing girl-next-door sex appeal.
Served warm with a generous scoop of vanilla icecream (or better yet, home made honey icecream ..) or served cold with dollops of cream.
Moist but not wet. Sweet without being sickening. And most importantly.. It actually tastes of apples.
And talking of moist... Lets make this tart. The sooner we make it, the sooner we eat it....

For The Pastry;

See Luscious lemon Tart

For the Filling;





10 Granny Smith Apples- peeled and cored
3/4 cup sugar
500 ml water
2 sm cinnamon quills
1 heaped tbls of leatherwood honey
1 tbls butter
a pot with a large base and a fitting lid, if possible



For The Crumble Topping;

300 gm flour
2tsp cinnamon
200gm sugar
270gm cold diced butter

Make the sweet pastry, as per the instruction as per luscious lemon tart here.
While it chills, make your filling.

For the filling;
Peel your apples and take the core out. I prefor granny smiths as their delicious tartness works perfectly in the tart, but you can substitute other crisp tart apples if you wish.
Quarter the apples and slice each quarter into thirds like so...





The shape and thickness means you keep some texture within your pie, which is wonderful.
Melt the butter over a medium heat in your large-based pan, swirling to evenly
Tumble in your apples and coat evenly with butter, gently so as to not break up your apple pieces.
Sprinkle over sugar, drizzle over honey. Pour in water and cover with lid. Simmer 4-5 min. You want your apples to go a little soft, but maintain their shape and texture.
Strain liquid. Pour one cup back into pan and thicken with 1 tbls of cornflour which you have mixed to a smooth liquid with 2tbls of cold water. Stir your apples through the slightly thickened liquid and spread out on a tray to cool. While its cooling get on the crumble mix.



For the crumble mix;
Sift flour. Stir through sugar and cinnamon. Mix butter through with your fingertips till it resembles bread crumbs.

Bake your chilled tart case.




Fill with cooled apple mix.

Sprinkle topping over.



Bake at 180 till golden and your kitchen smells of wonder.
If Eve had smuggled the apple out of the garden of eden this is the pie she would have made with it.... Enjoy.





Warm or cold, either is orgasmic. Dont forget to share....

Luscious Lemon Tart

There is a dream.
Somewhere over the rainbow.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops. Away apon the chimney tops.
And although we cant always go there, and although I dont have a chimney, what we can do is bring a little of the dream into our kitchens.
Now I dont known about you, but when the weather is cold and rainy I want a little sunshine in my kitchen.
Luckily for me I have wonderful friends. I recieved a text last week proclaiming, 'We should get together soon and make something we have never made before.'
Without further ado I replied with,' How about Wednesday?' and a date was set.
A large baking extravaganza was had.
He wanted to make a lemon tart and although I have made lemon tarts before, its been some while.
And nothing brings sunshine into your kitchen quite like lemon tart.
There is something entirely sensual about making pastry by hand.
Its the feel of the thing.
It was, I must admit, a bit daunting to approach setting the filling in our atrocious oven. This is an oven that burns vegetables on the outside before they are cooked on the inside.. It hurts my soul a little. Would the tart curdle? Would the pastry burn before it set? Would it taste of eggs? Be too firm?
I should have trusted the melting-lemon-drop-dream. For a dream it was.
Gastranomique citrus porn.
Are you scintillated? Good. Because if I can make this tart in my monstrosity of a temperemental oven, anyone can. And with good faith...

For the pastry;

300 plain flour
pinch salt
115 gm icing sugar
225 gm of butter, cubed
1 egg yolk


For the Filling;

180ml lemon juice
190gm castor sugar
Zest of two lemons
Approx. 300 gm of whole eggs
285ml cream

To make the pastry;

Mix the salt flour and icing sugar.
Rub the butter into the flour until it resembes fine bread crumbs.





If you are in a hurry use cold butter and blitz the flour and butter in a food processor.
Add yolk and knead until it becomes shiny and smooth.
There really is something wonderfully sensual about this. The feel of the flour crumbling and forming is a beautiful thing.




If you have never kneaded before look up a video on youtube for some technique pointers.
It is really fairly self-explanatory though.
Give the dough some love and it will love you back.
Form into a block and wrap in glad wrap or a plastic bag. Place in the fridge to chill.

To make the filling;

Place eggs in a bowl and beat till smooth.
Place two small pans on the stove. Heat the cream in one and the sugar, lemon juice and zest in the other.
Bring the cream to a simmer. Don't let it boil over.
Pour the cream into the eggs, whisking as you go. Whisk till smooth.
Heat juice and sugar mix till sugar disolves. Whisk into cream mix.
Allow to cool while you make the base.
Roll out a round flate pancake with your dough. Try and keep it even. Lay it evenly over you tart dish and press into the corners.
If there are any broken bits or holes patch it up with some pastry trim.
Trim the edges.
Chill in the freezer for 10 min.
Poke holes all over with a fork and bake at 180 c till lightly golden.
Pour in filling. Turn down oven to 100 c .
Gently place your tart in the oven and cook for 1 hour.
If your oven is a dangerous beast, set the timer for 30 minutes and turn the tart around to ensure even ness of cooking. Then set the timer for a further 20 min.
It will be ready when you shake it gently and the middle is no longer liquid.
Remove from the oven and cool on the bench till room temp.

Serve with cream, mascapone, ice cream or just devour as is.
Excuse my twee-ness when i say this but...
That's what sunshine tastes like.