Ambrosial apple tart

Now listen closely.

The secret to the perfect apple pie, like the secret to the female orgasm or the recipe for turning iron into gold is an elusive and much sought after piece of knowledge.
And in my opinion all three have been kept secret for far too long.
Now while I don't yet know how to turn iron into gold and men everywhere are beginning to discover the clitoris (gasp) luckily for you.. I can help you out with the secret to the perfect apple pie.
In a related note this pie will help take you closer to that fated orgasm...


A crisp sweet pastry.
A tart filling with notes of honey, cinnamon and just the right amount of texture. Do we want apple mush inside our tart? We do not.
The perfect buttery crumble. It's oozing girl-next-door sex appeal.
Served warm with a generous scoop of vanilla icecream (or better yet, home made honey icecream ..) or served cold with dollops of cream.
Moist but not wet. Sweet without being sickening. And most importantly.. It actually tastes of apples.
And talking of moist... Lets make this tart. The sooner we make it, the sooner we eat it....

For The Pastry;

See Luscious lemon Tart

For the Filling;





10 Granny Smith Apples- peeled and cored
3/4 cup sugar
500 ml water
2 sm cinnamon quills
1 heaped tbls of leatherwood honey
1 tbls butter
a pot with a large base and a fitting lid, if possible



For The Crumble Topping;

300 gm flour
2tsp cinnamon
200gm sugar
270gm cold diced butter

Make the sweet pastry, as per the instruction as per luscious lemon tart here.
While it chills, make your filling.

For the filling;
Peel your apples and take the core out. I prefor granny smiths as their delicious tartness works perfectly in the tart, but you can substitute other crisp tart apples if you wish.
Quarter the apples and slice each quarter into thirds like so...





The shape and thickness means you keep some texture within your pie, which is wonderful.
Melt the butter over a medium heat in your large-based pan, swirling to evenly
Tumble in your apples and coat evenly with butter, gently so as to not break up your apple pieces.
Sprinkle over sugar, drizzle over honey. Pour in water and cover with lid. Simmer 4-5 min. You want your apples to go a little soft, but maintain their shape and texture.
Strain liquid. Pour one cup back into pan and thicken with 1 tbls of cornflour which you have mixed to a smooth liquid with 2tbls of cold water. Stir your apples through the slightly thickened liquid and spread out on a tray to cool. While its cooling get on the crumble mix.



For the crumble mix;
Sift flour. Stir through sugar and cinnamon. Mix butter through with your fingertips till it resembles bread crumbs.

Bake your chilled tart case.




Fill with cooled apple mix.

Sprinkle topping over.



Bake at 180 till golden and your kitchen smells of wonder.
If Eve had smuggled the apple out of the garden of eden this is the pie she would have made with it.... Enjoy.





Warm or cold, either is orgasmic. Dont forget to share....

Effortless Late Night berries with Sexy Apples, flirtacious spices and Cheap Vanilla Icecream

This isn't so much a recipe as an inspiration. In fact it takes about as long to make as reading the title of this blog. Ok, perhaps a little longer, but you get the point.
You may think that when you have cravings for something sexy and truly sweetly satisfying at two in the morning that only one thing will do.
But you would be wrong. And though we all love a good horizontal late night tango (if you know what i mean) there are other things that will satisfy you with little to no effort. And if you have used all your energy on previously mentioned sexy-good-times this might be exactly what you are looking for.
This was one of those things born of cravings for something sweet and warm and grew from the bits and pieces that were hanging around in the sometimes scary depths of my fridge...

So simply chop up two apples into bite size chunks (take the size of the mouths of your guests into consideration) and bung it in a pan with a tbls of butter.
Add 1/2 tsp cinnamon and either 1 tsp of vanilla extract or, if you happen to have one on hand, half a vanilla bean, seeds scraped out into the pan. Throw the pod in right after it.
Tumble in 1-2 cups of frozen mixed berries and 2-3tbls of sugar, depending on how sweet your berries are.
I prefer it a little tart.
Next in goes one cup of water. Turn it down to simmer and cook till the apples are a little soft and you really cant wait any longer. It should only take about 5-6 minutes.




Thicken it with a little (1tsp) corn flour mixed into a some water to make a thin liquid and then stirred into your luscious berries. Thats it. Perhaps 10 minutes of almost no effort and your cravings will be satiated.
Lob a good hunk of vanilla icecream ontop and devour.
Sometimes fancy and fresh ingredients are required.. Here all thats required is a voracious appetite and and some odds and ends.

Note; Dont feel remotely guilty about eating this by yourself.